Move On Mom

Playdates are usually fun for the mom and the kids until someone cries, gets tired, or doesn’t share. It’s been a couple of months since an incident in a playdate happened to us. It has taken me a while to write about it because I wasn’t ready to sift through my feelings and swallow my pride. Micah clearly is way over it and I, on the other hand, took a while to digest it.
Some months ago, Micah had a playdate with a friend. He was still busy eating lunch, as we all were, when his friend said he wanted to play. My son knows the rule about getting up during meal time. It’s a big no..NO. There will be mishaps here and there but for the most part, Micah knows he is not allowed to run around during meal time until we are all done. That goes for everyone including mom, dad, and Titus.
His friend was getting agitated so he came over and flipped Micah’s plate and water cup. Luckily, he was about 2 bites away from finishing his meal. (If it was a whole plate, I probably would be even more irritated.) The food spilled all over his clothes and water dripped down from his body to the floor.
My eyes grew wide open, my heart started to pound and my temper, well it began to rise. I was in shock. I was more in shock that his mom laughed at the situation as Micah sat there wet to his socks. He whispered quietly, “Mama, I’m all wet.” (In my head, I was like…YEAH CLEARLY!) I saw him looking at me, watching my reaction to the situation. Knowing that my son’s thought bubbles would go like, “Mmmm Wonder what my mom will do?” I smiled (on the outside but definitely not on the inside) and in a very controlled voice, “It’s ok Micah, let’s clean it up. It’s just water. It will dry up.” As we wiped up the spill, his friend started to whine and fuss. He was still upset that Micah hadn’t gotten up to play with him. He cried and yelled for Micah to come over. His mom just laughed it off and said he was tired.
After I cleaned up the mess, I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I needed a time-out. I was sorting through my feelings of anger and confusion. I quickly texted my husband, “Please pick up your phone in 5 minutes. Thanks.” I knew I needed an outlet and my poor husband was in for it. I prayed quietly and asked God to change my heart and calm my voice as we prepared to say goodbye. I told Micah to say goodbye since everyone was probably tired from the day and needed some down time (I needed to get out of there or it will not be pleasant.). When we got to the car, Micah hesitated to sit down and buckle up. He told me, “Mama, I need to go down and say sorry to Michael. He is crying. It’s Micah’s fault.” Oh!!! The fumes burned inside me even more. I gently said, “No Micah, that wasn’t your fault. He spilled water and food on you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s time to go home now, ok?”
As we drove off, I quickly called my husband. Thankfully, he picked up. I ranted on and on about the whole situation and expressed how irritated I was. As I shared my feelings, I realized I was upset because they never apologized for what happened. It made me even more upset that Micah felt blamed for the situation because it was the other child who ended up crying. I was upset because his mom made excuses for him. I was upset because there was no remorse or sense of urgency to remedy the situation. I know it wasn’t really that bad, but I was after the principle. I told my husband that I was trying so hard to teach Micah how to play nice, share, and apologize when he is wrong and now that he is wronged, he wasn’t apologized to. WAHHH!!! AARGGGHHH!!!
Praise God for my patient husband. After I chewed his ear out with my frustration, he calmly said, “Are you done? I’m glad you were able to express your feelings. Why don’t we talk about it when I get home. I have to go to the court now.” I was A LOT calmer at this point and I agreed and thanked him for listening to me.
A few minutes later, Micah said, “Mama, are you ok? I think you should pray.” (GRRRRR!!!!!! I DIDN’T REALLY FEEL LIKE PRAYING AT ALL!) “You are right Micah. Let’s pray and thank God for today, huh?” I really tried hard to sound happy and sincere but I was struggling. In the midst of our prayer he says, “Mama, pray for Michael and auntie *his mom*.” I was like…MMM NO WAY! But clearly the Holy Spirit was using my 2-year-old to convict my hardened heart. I asked the Lord to bless them and change my heart towards the situation. After we said Amen, Micah said, “Mama. It’s all done. Ok? All done.” As if he was telling to never ever bring it up again. MOVE ON MOM! Everything is fine now. Boy did I struggle even more! I wrestled with God because I wasn’t done yet.
When Chris got home that night, I quickly said, “Micah, tell daddy what happened today.” He looked at me blankly and said, “Mama, it’s all done right?” But continued on to tell his dad briefly, “Michael threw water at me but it’s all done now Papa, right Mama?” Again, as if telling me to drop the case of the spilled water. I knew God was speaking to me. He was dealing with my heart and asking me to forgive and forget. But I just couldn’t get past it.
I discussed it again with Chris that night as we lay in bed. I just needed to share how slighted I felt. I was definitely crying over spilled milk (but in this case, water). I didn’t want Micah to feel like a bully and that everything is always his fault when he plays with Michael. But Chris, in a kind and gentle way pointed out, “Babe. Micah’s already done with it. He even told you multiple times that it’s all done right? I learned that it takes genuine forgiveness to move past a situation when we feel wronged. Micah has been over it since you guys prayed and you are still dwelling in self-pity and pride.” He continued on to say, “Micah is showing a lot more maturity and godliness in this situation than you are.” MMMM YEAH HE IS! I agreed.
We didn’t see each other for a while because our schedule got crazy. It wasn’t till recently that they asked to meet up with us again. I struggled as I read the text. I called my husband (again, my favorite go-to person for wisdom). I told him about meeting up and he quickly encouraged me to go. I had come up with a text stating I was unavailable and had lots to do because of the busy weekend ahead. But the Holy Spirit nudged me to hold off sending it. Chris told me that Micah needs to learn to deal with different people and different situations. And that I had to grow in dealing with how other parents discipline and respond to our children as well. He said, “This would be a good practice and that it would be a great way for you to show Christ love. It would be a perfect place to practice and apply the message we heard from our pastor last Sunday. Maybe you can win them over to Christ with your love.”
I knew in my heart he was right. He knew my to-do-list was long and needed to get checked off but he said growing in character was more important. Praise God for a godly husband! I responded and met up with Michael and his family with a smile. With a changed heart, I can say that it went much better than I anticipated. My son had a great time and seeing him deal with conflict (as it arose once again) made me appreciate his sincere and genuine heart even more. He dealt with it with ease and handled it with grace. He used his kind words and won his friend over with kindness. I learned to be gracious and respond in love and let my child take charge of himself. At the end of the day, I was glad I went. We all need a lesson or two on love, no matter how old we get.
Today, I came to the conclusion that at this time of my life, motherhood is my ministry and our playdates well, you can call them my mission field, where the character of both my boys and mine will grow and get tested. I pray we will truly reflect Christ in every situation and show love even in the most difficult circumstances. I’m grateful that God’s love overlooks my faults and this prompts me to do the same even if it’s hard. I’m still a work in progress and I’m thankful that God’s love will never give up on me. 🙂

PS: Real names weren’t used.

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A Labor Story

The most intense 3 hours and 45 minutes of my life happened on April 27,2012. But everyday that I look back, I know I would go through it all over again because it was all worth it.

ImageI was 40 weeks and 3 days and our little Micah was cooking in the oven a little over due. I had a doctor’s appointment that morning (Thursday) and I was 4cm dilated. My OB told me it was going to happen anytime…today, tomorrow or over the weekend. I drove to our new house to check out the carpets that were going to be installed, drove my aunt and my mom back to their hotel in downtown SF, drove myself home and waited for Chris to get home. I had a feeling I was going to deliver soon so i kept walking to try to induce labor. I honestly couldn’t wait to get him out! hahaha Chris and I decided we would go the mall that night so we could walk more and while we were shopping, we were also praying I would go into labor that night! :)
God answered our prayer! I started contractions that went on every 5 mins at 2:45 am.  I decided to walk around the house since the pain wasn’t bad at all. Our desire was for me to deliver at Kaiser San Francisco not only because it was a great hospital but also because Chris was born there too. We wanted a first like father, like son experience. haha But we knew we would have to take a risk because there was a chance that I would have to share a post delivery room with someone else because they were always packed. I finally decided to call the hospital at 3:45 am and true enough…they told me they were full and I had to share a room if I decided to come anyway. I didn’t mind..but we prayed and asked God to be in every detail including the smallest ones such as room assignments. Hey! If He can create babies, a room in a hospital is a simple request! :) We got to hospital around 5 since we picked my mom and my aunt up at their hotel. I even put some foundation in the car because I didn’t want to look too pale for the pictures. (I know…I was vain!) We waited for about an hour before they finally admitted me. I was just sit-rolling on a birthing ball while my husband patiently massaged my back. At that point, I started to feel some back labor. When they finally checked me…my BP was starting to shoot up and I was 5CM dilated. Once I got settled in the triage room, my nightmare began! I started feeling horrible back labor, this caused my BP to increase rapidly. The nurse quickly asked (she kind of insisted) and suggested that I got some pain meds or even the epidural. Because my BP was getting higher and higher I was at risk of preclampsia. This is a disorder that only occurs in pregnant women when their blood pressure gets really high and it can cause seizure or stroke. The nurses were pushing for me to have an epidural because they said I wouldn’t last till 12 or 1pm, which is how long labor is typically for the first baby. But stubborn o’ me decided I could do it. I told Chris, my mom and my aunt that we will pray because I will not wait till 12 noon to deliver this baby! It was way too long!!! I was going to pass out because my back labor was so intense. I claimed that God could make this miracle happen!
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At 8 am I was 8cm! The doctors were so surprised! It was because of my Direct Line to heaven! They asked me after 5 minutes if i wanted them to break my water bag…and I yelled YES!!!  And minutes later I was at 10 and ready to push! I was in so much pain, BP was racing and my back was killing me!!! The nurses and doctors were amazed at the progress of my labor and dilation to push and rest and everything in between… All we did was pray! I don’t know where else I could have gotten the strength and endurance to get through it. My BP was now super high and Micah’s heart rate was dropping. By God’s grace he came out when he did because we were both in critical condition at that point but God’s loving hands pulled us through! A mom does know the right time to “push” when you really have to! Micah had to be vacuumed out at the last second because his heart rate was dropping way too fast while my BP was shooting off the roof and I was really in bad condition. But thank God because I don’t think I could have lasted another minute! It was the longest 45 minutes of my life! It was really only by the grace of God!!! It was such an awesome God-depending experience. Truly it was God’s hand upon my pregnancy, with my accident at 34 weeks, my crazy labor experience and now, my son’s life. :D  In the end… We got through 4 hours of labor and 45 mins of pushing!
I can’t express how much joy I have to be able to experienced it with Jesus! I had to focus on one thing the whole time and for some reason Blessed Be Your Name was the song I sang! I pushed for 45 mins… but on the “last set” of pushing… God told me to sing Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! And after 3 big pushes with this song going through my head….at 9:03am..with the help of a vacuum our son was born…crying and healthy with his little cheeky eyes open!!! My BP stabilized and I was back to normal in a matter of seconds. :DI knew we were both in critical condition because i heard the doctors say: This is was an acute emergency and that we need to get him out! She is going to have a stroke or a seizure. I remembered pushing with all my heart…then that first cry was the best noise I ever heard! I delivered him with a BP of 190/187. Crazy high! Everything I went through just reminded me that our lives are truly gifts from God and everything is in God’s hands! I couldn’t have done it without Him! No pain meds or epidural…but only  an overdose of the Grace and Strength of my Creator!!!
Praise God for He is the Giver of Life!!! Micah means he who is like the Lord! We pray that he will grow up to reflect his name and bring glory to God in every way! My husband was such an amazing birth coach and my mom’s constant prayers by my ears helped me get through it! I was so thankful my husband was by my side the whole time. The second Micah came out, Chris yelled OH MY GOSH about 5x at the top of his lungs and he kept saying great job babe!! He’s beautiful! He’s here!!! AHHHH!!!! It was such a relief!!! It was awesome to have him and my mom encouraging me the whole time. My aunt was outside praying for us made our miracle even more special! God is truly wonderful in every way! We stand in awe!
And oh, about the room sharing situation (such a little detail in the larger scheme of things but overwhelming such a great blessing as well) we were told an hour before we were going to get discharged from the labor room to the recovery room, the nurse told us that we had to share a room because they were full. Chris and I looked at each other and we prayed. We prayed and thanked God for the wonderful experience and asked him to do us another favor and give us our own room. The second (literally!) before they were going to wheel me up to the recovery floor, our nurse received a call from the reception desk and she said, oh someone just checked out, they have a private room for you! WOW! Chris and I looked at each other and we knew…God answered! What a great blessing it is to have God on our side!!! Chris got special treatment from the nurses too because they all liked him a lot and brought him meals and coffee everyday! (even though the other dads didn’t get it haha) Talk about God in every detail! We are just so thankful!
I know this is a super long story but it’s just amazing and I can’t help but share every detail of how amazing our God is and we just want to give HiM the glory! We rejoice in His precious gift! We pray that as we journey through parenthood with Micah, we will faithfully raise him up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
I really encourage moms out there to write your birth story. It’s a great memory and a great experience to share because each of us has our own and it’s unique, special and beautiful. :)
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He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God.